Oceania is at war with Eurasia !

At this moment, in 1984, Oceania was at war with Eurasia and in alliance with Eastasia. In no public or private utterance was it ever admitted that the three powers had at any time been grouped along different lines. Actually, as Winston well knew, it was only four years since Oceania had been at war with Eastasia and in alliance with Eurasia. But that was merely a piece of furtive knowledge which he happened to possess because his memory was not satisfactorily under control. Officially the change of partners had never happened. Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible.  (George Orwell, 1984)

It is 2015 and the United Kingdom is at war with the Islamic State.

  

It is plainly right that we do everything in our power to oppose these evil men who ruthlessly lash and even behead people for daring to disagree with them.

In this righteous campaign, our staunch ally is Saudi Arabia. Which, er, ruthlessly gives 1,000 lashes to bloggers and beheads people who hold a different view to the controlling royal household.

We also now soft-pedal our opposition to President al-Assad of Syria because the evil-incarnate that is ISIS is engaged in the genocide of minority groups in Syria.

President Assad’s support is particularly valuable in our righteous crusade because he knows rather a lot about killing townloads of civilian minorities - children, women and men - with the nerve agent Sarin.  So he’s a useful chum to have on the team.

Of course our country’s most steadfast ally in defence of liberty, freedom and humans rights is the United States of America. We stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our Atlantic cousins in our opposition to middle-eastern torturers and the fat fruitcake of North Korea.

Good job the Yanks don’t torture, then, isn’t it?  Or execute people so that they take a long, long time to die – in agony, using untried combinations of chemicals.

But at least the British government’s hands are Persil clean! It’s a shame that the Irish government is raking up all that nonsense about torture of NI suspects and the withholding of key evidence from the European Court of Human Rights. We were at war then! We had always been at war with them. 

Except that now those people are in the government of Northern Ireland. So of course they are our allies. 

Here's my prediction for the end of 2015.  By December, we will be allies of North Korea (and will always have been friends with that progressive state.)  By then, our ISIS friends will look by at the palace from time to time to take tea with the Queen.

It’s enough to make Winston Smith’s head spin.